Monday, August 1, 2011

Good Times

This Email was sent to me today and I thought it was funny and accurate. So I thought I would share it with you.

Dear Diary,

Just moved to Texas! Now this is a state that knows how to live!!
Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. It is beautiful. I've
finally found my home. I love it here.

June 14th:
Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an
air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to
see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshipper.

June 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus
and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing the lawn for me.
Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

July 10th:
The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people get used
to this kind of heat? At least, it's kind of windy though. But getting
used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.

July 15th:
Fell asleep by the community pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my
body. Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my
lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.

July 20th:
I missed Lomita (my cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning.
Sad.   I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat. Good ol'
Mr. Sun strikes again.

July 25th:
The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!! And it's hot
as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman
charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.

July 30th:
Been sleeping outside on the patio for 3 nights now, $225,000 house and
I can't even go inside. Lomita is the lucky one. Why did I ever come

Aug. 4th:
Its 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. It cost
$500 and gets the temperature down to 85. I hate this stupid state.

Aug. 8th:
If another person says, 'Hot enough for you today?' I'm going to
strangle him. Dang heat. By the time I get to work, the radiator is
boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!!

Aug. 9th:
Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and when I sat on the
seats in the car, I thought my butt was on fire. My skin melted to the
seat. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs
and butt . . . Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried butt, and baked

Aug 10th:
The weather report might as well be a dang recording. Hot and sunny. Hot
and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do anything for 2 darn
months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week.
Doesn't it ever rain in this  state? Water rationing will be next, so my
$1700 worth of cactus will just dry up and blow over. Even the cactus
can't live in this  heat.

Aug. 14th:
Welcome to HELL! Temperature got to 115 today. Cactus are dead. Forgot
to crack the window and blew the windshield out of the car. The
installer came to fix it and guess what he asked me??? "Hot enough for
you today?" My sister had to spend $1,500 to bail me out of jail.
Freaking Texas . What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to
live here?? Will write later to let you know how the trial goes.


  1. LOL Now I love this state and I prefer summer extremes to winter extremes ...but there's just enough truth to all that to make it funny.

    However hot it is HERE though, Phoenix has us beat. Don't let anyone give you that line about 'dry heat not feeling as hot' either. Above 95 degrees, humid or not, it's MISERABLE and HOT!

    This reminds of the thoughts that run through my head when people find out I'm from Colorado and they say, "Oh, I LOVE Colorado ...SNOW is BEAUTIFUL ...I'D LOVE TO LIVE THERE." Yeah, Colorado is beautiful and so is snow ...when it's fresh fallen and hasn't been muddied up by road sludge and yellowed by pets and wildlife. Living there is great ...when you're ON VACATION and don't have shovel the dang sidewalks BEFORE you go to work. In Texas, we occasionally scrape ice (frost really) off our windshields and let them warm up for a few minutes on a cold morning. In the winter in Colorado, you HAVE to plug in your diesel if you want it to start in the morning and you have to DE-ICE your door locks so you can OPEN the dang door before you CAN starr the vehicle to warm it up in the mornings.

    I don't tell them what I'm thinking. I figure they won't believe me anyway.

    Every climate has it's drawbacks. LOL

  2. Oh my, sounds like Texas this year for sure!

  3. Hoss Boss - This is all I have ever known. I would love to shovel snow for a couple of years.

    Genevieve - I thought it was fitting for the times.

    SFG - Yall ain't much cooler but yes, I would like to live anywhere but here right now.

  4. Well I love Washington. Never too hot unless it gets to 90 occasionally in August for a couple days. We bitch about the rain but I will take that over 115 degrees any day and at least it isn't a monsoon that destroys everything. We get some snow but it's usually not much and doesn't last long. This year the spring was not conducive to gardening but you can overcome that with hoop houses and such. Yep! I'll stay here.

  5. Lol...that is too funny. I kind of like it where I live up here in Missouri. The summers can be very hot and sticky, we get a lot of storms, fall is gorgeous and warm/cool with low humidity, spring is the same as fall but with rising humidity and winter can be cold with a lot of snow. Funny thing though my hubby and I agreed if we ever had to move it would be up north. When it gets cold you can keep layering up but when it is hot there is only so much you can take off.