Excuses, Excuses

We all use them, we all make them up for one reason or another. Some are justified and are real legitimate reasons and some are just what they are, excuses.

Some of us even go to the extreme with our excuses. Our friends D&R and my wife are the worlds worst. They have signals when they are ready to leave. They usually set them up on the ride there.  When the time comes you cannot miss the show they give me. It is like a batting coach to the batter and then I have to go to the host and come up with an excuse on why we have to leave. It could be a simple tug of the ear or a pat on the shoulder, but if I miss it the first time then all three will be throwing signs from across the room shortly after. They look like a group of monkeys. All three standing in a line staring at me tugging on and ear, scratching their right elbow, rubbing the back of the neck, all three throwing different signs but in the end I get the hint.
If I am not ready to leave at that time and ignore the signs given then the wife will turn her phone all the way up, stand by me and her friend R will text her. She will tell me in a elevated voice that one of the girls just texted her and needs a ride just like she was reading from a script.
Don't judge, we all have done it.
The chickens are usually my excuse. When I am done and wanting to leave a party I can always say "Well, I need to go and feed the chickens"

The worst is when the wife and I say an excuse at the same time but they are not the same. I will say I need to go feed the chickens and she will say we have a fence down and I always try and cover it up with a rebuttal and it comes out something like this "Well, I need to go put the chickens down the fence". Don't judge, just keep reading, we aren't the only ones.

At our party Saturday night I watched the crowd and being the expert sign receiver that I am, I could pick up on when someone was fixen to leave. Most of the time it was the subtle three pat of the shoulder then a light rub from a wife to her husband and then just like clock work, 30 seconds later I would hear and excuse and we would shake hands and part ways. The only ones I ever make feel guilty are the ones that head for the gate right after they throw their plates away. "Just eat and run".  

With the added sigh "Well, (sigh) I guess we ought to......." makes it look like you would rather stay there than what you need to or clam you need to go do. Why do we all do it? Maybe it is partly to spare the feelings of the host and partly not to wear out your welcome. Maybe it is just better to show up, eat and leave rather than not go and have to make an excuse why you did not show. Every person has their own reasons.  

The host in turn never makes it easy either so the excuses always have to sound like a life or death ordeal. With the "oh, you don't have leave do you?" or the "leaving already?" or my favorite "Just eat and run then" coming from the host, always gives that little guilt trip a kick start and you think you should stay a little longer but the excuse is already out there and there is no turning back now. I always like that last kidney shot the host gives you as you walk out the door "well at least you showed up", kick me while I'm down will ya.

Lets turn the tables around for a second. Say your hosting a party, what about the guests that do not leave and you are long past ready for them to go. It's not that you don't want them there, it's just that the party is over and you are tired. That is when the hosts themselves starts giving subtle hints and excuses. Like, "Oh man I have to get up early tomorrow" or "wow, I'm so tired" as they yawn and stretch. My favorite is, "I'm about to fall asleep in this chair".
I was at one party where the host just got up and went to bed. "Yall stay as long as you want too" he said as he walked into the house. That got us all up and out, quick.

Where is that fine line. Do I stay and risk running out my welcome or do I just eat, pat my belly and head for the door? Every party is different and you know you are leaving at just the right time when the host yells back to you, "yall come back to see us".

I did not write this for any particular reason so nobody get offended this is not about you. I was at a lot of parties this weekend including my own and just thought it was funny to watch and listen to everyone as they scrambled to find the words to make an excuse to go home. Some subtle and some not. I think my favorite one I heard this weekend was, "Well, I need to run. I have to go pick the ticks off my dog"