I have excepted the fact that no matter how old I get and the problems that come with it, there are always people to remind me it gets worse.
At twenty I was ten foot tall and bullet proof and there was always someone older telling me, "Just wait till your thirty and lets see what you think then."
At thirty I started gaining weight, loosing my hair and some things started to hurt a little. Sure enough someone who was older than me would say, "Just wait till your forty, then you will know what really hurts."
This month on the 28th I will turn forty years old and it is hitting me harder than I thought it would. Yesterday was a bad day for me and I started to write a post about what I felt, but then deleted it because after re-reading the depressing story I decided this was not the place for it. Plus I am sure most of the comments would have been, "Just wait till you hit fifty."
I will say this, I am finding myself changing. Not so much physically but my thoughts on things, my outlook on life you might say. Some of the things I have been dead set against, I am now entertaining the thought even as much as yearning for.
Take grandchildren for instance. As a father of three girls I have always been dead set against grandkids before the girls educations were complete. Though I still hold true to that thought, I am starting to lean towards turning the page on this old book from parent to grandparent.
I have been blessed with joys beyond my wildest dreams from being a parent and as my girls make the life transition into adulthood, I know their momma and I have done well.
Of course I want them all to get their education, start a career and not rush anything, but what I am saying is I think I am turning that mortal corner of knowing I am on the back side of half way done here and still want something more, to see my legacy expand so to speak, before the end.
I think this is all a part of life and it all depends on how you proceed. Some leave their spouses, sell everything, dye their hair and start a new life. Some fall into a state of depression and give up, but most get up the next morning just like always, go to work and drive on as if nothing is wrong. I suppose it is all about choices if nothing else. I think what got to me the most yesterday was looking back on all my friends that did not make it this far in life either from their choices or the choices of others. But again I know, wait and see how many are around when I am fifty.
My birthday will come and go just like all the rest and I shall pray for many more. My forty year accomplishment will not be celebrated nor would I want it to be. I will be sharing my what was to be, birthday party for all the family members who also have a birthday in February, with my sisters seventh or so wedding. Again, she has taken the spotlight.
If it were up to me, I would spend that day on the tailgate of my old pickup down at the creek holding in my right hand the hand of my sole mate and my dream. In my left I would be holding my favorite cold beer. In front of me my girls would be lined up on the creek bank watching the river roll by concentrating on their cork, hoping for another bite.
That my friends is living right there.