Friday, December 20, 2013
The Hard Parts Of Being A Daddy
The hardest parts, I think, are the ones where not only they grow and mature, but I did as well. Having to dig deep to hold back the tears of sadness, anger and joy or stopping myself from not letting them grow into who they will become because it wasn't my plan. Those are the hard parts.
I remember the first hardest thing I ever had to do as a daddy was when I watched all my girls drive off for the first time without me. The first two killed me and it did not get any easier when I watched the last one's tail lights disappear over the hill. I was a nervous wreck that I was not in the car with them, to protect them and to keep them safe.
The second hardest thing I ever had to do was when I dropped my oldest daughter Jessie off at college. It was so hard for me not to beg her to come back home with us, but I knew I could not do that. It was so hard to start the truck, put it in drive and leave her standing there crying, waving goodbye, but this was something that had to be done.
The third hardest thing I have had to do was just last week when the same daughter's boyfriend came by the house and asked to talk to me. I knew it was coming, I thought I was ready, I had already prepared what I was going to say when it did happen. Then, when he asked for her hand in marriage my mind went blank. All I could think about was her at 10 years old and telling me I was the best daddy in the world. It was so hard to say yes, but I did it because that is what she wanted.
Now, the fourth hardest thing I will have to do as a daddy is Tomorrow night. I will have to walk my middle daughter Hannah down the isle and give her away to a guy that does not deserve her. This is her choice to get married so young and so so fast. I have done everything just short of going to prison to keep this from happening, but I can't stop it. We just found out this week she is having a girl sometime in the middle of June. I didn't want it to be like this and tried everything to teach these girls to have a better and easier life than I did. I don't have to do this. I can stay at home, crack open a beer and work in the shop. But she asked me to and it's my job to. So, I will put on my suit, I will put on a smile, I will walk down the isle with her arm in mine and I will do the hardest thing I have ever had to do as a daddy and give her away to this guy.
Maybe there will be growth in all this. Maybe something will click and I will learn from this experience. As it is now I would rather take a beating than see my daughter go down this path of hard times. Even though me and her momma got married at eighteen, we waited two years to start having kids. We were so poor and those times were so hard I don't know how we made it through. I only wished Hannah could have remembered all those hard times when she was so young, maybe then she would have waited.
I will let you know how it went.