Friday, December 20, 2013

The Hard Parts Of Being A Daddy

I can tell you with certainty that I have enjoyed being a daddy. My three girls, Jessie, Hannah and Kylee have been my breath, my drive and my inspiration for so many years now. I have enjoyed every memory we have created together, every moment spent and every lesson we have learned. Some not as much as others but in the end I think my maker every day for the opportunity to have been in their lives and ask for just one more day . 
The hardest parts, I think, are the ones where not only they grow and mature, but I did as well. Having to dig deep to hold back the tears of sadness, anger and joy or stopping myself from not letting them grow into who they will become because it wasn't my plan. Those are the hard parts.

I remember the first hardest thing I ever had to do as a daddy was when I watched all my girls drive off for the first time without me. The first two killed me and it did not get any easier when I watched the last one's tail lights disappear over the hill. I was a nervous wreck that I was not in the car with them, to protect them and to keep them safe.

The second hardest thing I ever had to do was when I dropped my oldest daughter Jessie off at college. It was so hard for me not to beg her to come back home with us, but I knew I could not do that. It was so hard to start the truck, put it in drive and leave her standing there crying, waving goodbye, but this was something that had to be done.

The third hardest thing I have had to do was just last week when the same daughter's boyfriend came by the house and asked to talk to me. I knew it was coming, I thought I was ready, I had already prepared what I was going to say when it did happen. Then, when he asked for her hand in marriage my mind went blank. All I could think about was her at 10 years old and telling me I was the best daddy in the world. It was so hard to say yes, but I did it because that is what she wanted.

Now, the fourth hardest thing I will have to do as a daddy is Tomorrow night. I will have to walk my middle daughter Hannah down the isle and give her away to a guy that does not deserve her. This is her choice to get married so young and so so fast. I have done everything just short of going to prison to keep this from happening, but I can't stop it. We just found out this week she is having a girl sometime in the middle of June. I didn't want it to be like this and tried everything to teach these girls to have a better and easier life than I did. I don't have to do this. I can stay at home, crack open a beer and work in the shop. But she asked me to and it's my job to. So, I will put on my suit, I will put on a smile, I will walk down the isle with her arm in mine and I will do the hardest thing I have ever had to do as a daddy and give her away to this guy.

Maybe there will be growth in all this. Maybe something will click and I will learn from this experience. As it is now I would rather take a beating than see my daughter go down this path of hard times. Even though me and her momma got married at eighteen, we waited two years to start having kids. We were so poor and those times were so hard I don't know how we made it through.  I only wished Hannah could have remembered all those hard times when she was so young, maybe then she would have waited.

I will let you know how it went.
Until then,
Jerry
          

34 comments:

  1. Jerry We have two daughters, so I can feel your pain and joy. It was hard when my oldest (21) came home and told us her was pregnant, and baby daddy wanted no part of it. He didn't even want marriage. We now have a beautiful grandson. I too knew this day would come. Thank god my 3 boys have what we call the "friendship curse". All the girlfriends love them like a big brothers. My 15 yr old daughter still dislike boys.

    Have a joyful time tomorrow, and a blessed Christmas my friend.

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  2. Jerry,

    I know this is very hard my friend, we all raise our children a certain way, and they decide to take their own path. Enjoy your time tomorrow walking your daughter down the aisle, and have a Merry Christmas.

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  3. They all learn in their own way. Be patient daddy and be there when she needs you. It's the best you can do and I get it. Believe me I do.

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  4. Not being at that stage yet with our daughter (she'll be 5 in February), but being a teenager that did some questionable things, I am forever thankful that my parents were there for me, for better or for worse. And I pray that this marriage will turn into something beautiful.

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  5. "If you love them, let them go". Those are the hardest words a parent has to face.

    But, like our parents, we have to trust that we have raised them with the necessary morals, guidance and strength of character that will see them in good stead throughout their adult lives.

    Jerry, I'm going to drop you a private e-mail. In the meantime, as hard as it is, stand tall for your daughters, no matter how hard it is, for that is what they will remember in years to come.

    Be strong - you're not alone.

    And, congratulations - for both your daughters have come to you to ask for your blessing - that is better than their going off and just doing their own thing.

    Be strong, and smile - even if your heart is breaking...

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  6. Like Dani said, it is very important for you to stand tall for your daughters, they will always love you for you. I have no doubt you will love that little grandbaby like nothing else in the world.Good luck.

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  7. Out of all of this, you will still be her Daddy, and she knows who to come back to when it does get tough. I guess that's the only thing that can be done.......

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  8. Been there, done that and I do feel for you. Never seems to get any easier.

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  9. Brother, I can't imagine. Though my initial inclination was to make a joke about you missing out on the best part of a shotgun wedding: the shotgun. I think it is better to encourage you to keep being her daddy and the example to which her new husband should aspire.

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  10. Our only child a beautiful young lady is 36 and as far as we know she never wants to marry let alone have a baby girl..She is just fine with her tiny cat and her operas she goes to and listens to nightly and reading Shakespeare..we travel with her when we can which is nice and often now we are both retired..She is extraordinary, never took to the marriage stuff, good friend to all and wonderful babysitter of only baby dolls her best friends have, they adore her, but she gets tired of letting them climb all over her and tying her up like in cowboys and Indians, glad to go home to her own place. We support her in all her particular wants and needs, never been any problem as I don't care what anyone thinks of us and her, she is the absolute best, her two dearest friends married very young had a child each and their husbands did not want to be married after the baby doll was born, they went to university and now teach at the university and vow never to marry..Congratulations upon the marriage so many don't marry & it is a big hardship for the momma and baby doll..You will be just fine and adore the grandbaby girl! happy holidays! ciao X()

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  11. I think that the hardest job in the world is being a parent. It is so heartwarming to hear you say that you will be there for your daughter no matter what. I was not raised in a household like that. Growing up I always felt that my parents love was conditional. Kudos to you for being a great father.

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  12. As father of girls 8 - 22 I can only say I feel your pain. I was fortunate enough the help one young man realize this was not a good time. I got a lot of mileage out of "being scary crazy". lol However, college will be complete soon. So I know ill face it again soon. I wish you strength, patience and peace. Best of luck.

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    1. Same to you WT and thanks for the comment.

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  13. Having issues with my 25 year old, seems no matter what we say, or how we raised her, it doesn't matter. We're the crazy ones that just don't understand! I know one day, with God's grace she'll eventually figure it out. Keep praying for your children, it's really all we have.

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    1. I thought all parents were old and did not understand. LOL
      Stay strong Izzy and thanks for the comment.

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  14. Beautiful and emotional post. I have all three hardest things still to come but I still hopefully have a couple handful of years to prepare for them.

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    1. I could never prepare enough ED, good luck and thanks for the comment.

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  15. Having grands is the greatest thing life has given me! It's easy to get lost in the what may have beens but let me tell you what you will have. A perpetual smile, hugs and kisses, joy at seeing them and their's at seeing you. The chance to play again through new eyes. All the learning they will do and teaching you will do (I'm still in trouble for teaching my grandson how to "arm fart"). Being a grandparent is the best that life has to give. So my advice...let go of the may have beens and love and enjoy the way it is. There truly is no great joy.

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    1. Thank you Stead, I have come to terms with it all now. I am at peace.

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  16. My dad told my ex husband "HELL NO" he couldn't marry me. Looking back I should have listened. I could have lived my entire life without ever knowing that creep and would have been better off! But on the other hand I'm not as naïve as I was and I wouldn't be the person I am today without all the b.s. I went through with that jerk. Sometimes it's the big picture that's important and these are just stepping stones to it. Your family is growing my friend. I hope I am able to happily welcome new additions to my family when the time comes. Who knows I might say "HELL NO" too LOL!!!!!

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    1. Just like you didn't listen, they won't either. Remember, we are the dumb ones.
      Thanks Kelly

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  17. I hope you-all will have a very happy, happy, happy New Year!

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