Monday, September 17, 2012

Reality Check

With all the things happening around the world and even here on the home front this past week, it has been an eye opening reality check for me.

As y'all know for over the past couple of months I have lived without a plan and free from worry. Doing what I want, when I want and going where I want without really any care in the world. This has been the first time in my adult life I have done such a thing. Using the words "Oh, what the hell, lets go" became the new normal around the house and to tell you the truth, I liked it a lot.
Not worrying about how many pounds of corn mill or how many cans of freeze dried fruit I had on hand was nice. Not giving a second thought on animal production and sells was even nicer. We even half heartily planted a fall garden, but soon forgot about it and nothing even sprouted, but that's okay. When you doctor looks you eye to eye and says if you don't change something quick and stop worrying so much you will not be around to enjoy your grand babies. She went on to say if I keep going the way I am it would not be long. When something like that is said to you, you tend to start second guessing if what you are doing is really so important and if it's even worth it.

I can see how easy it is to get caught up in normal people's lifestyle. (I use that term only because they think they are the normal ones and we are the whack jobs). Only thinking about doing fun things and not caring if the sun comes up tomorrow gets addicting. Buying only the food you need for that night is actually really fun. Eating without a plan is like a getting a surprise every night, you never know what you might get. Going places without times, purpose and care was thought to be pointless before has now turned into a great time just being out with he family.

 Before the doctor (BTD) my personality and mental disorders made it where everything had to have a plan and be organized. Even if something was spontaneous, I usually started making the schedule and plans while walking to the truck and by the time we arrived, it was all planned out. I had to be, nothing else would do.
For a little over two months now I have not had to do that, but then this last week something changed.

When the attacks happened on our Embassy and the events that followed, emotions started building and something triggered in my brain, I found myself starting to worry again. I suddenly thought about the last time I did inventory on my food storage and I couldn't remember. I wondered how many months I have left of food since we stopped putting up. I wondered why I shut the bathhouse off and have not used it for over two months now. I could not figure out why I took my "get home" bag out of my truck. I could not understand why I have not used my hand powered washing machine in months and I felt depressed and the onslaught of panic started setting in when I remembered there was nothing growing in the gardens. I also felt sad because I don't have any animals left to care for and sustain me if need be.
Instead of looking out over the Mini Farm and seeing freedom from all the work like I have been doing all summer, all I could see now was emptiness and a lost dream.                   

The first opportunity I had Friday after work I grabbed the wife and went to Sam's. Then to Walmart, followed by a couple more quick stops on the way home. I am happy to say the storage room is stocked back up to where it needs to be. A few more things and it will be like this laps in judgement I had never happen.
Next on the list to get done was repacking my BOB and GHB for winter use. I picked up some new 72 hours kits from Wise foods a while back and finally got them packed. Plus I added some warm wear to the bags just in case.
It's not too late to get the green house replanted so tonight I plan to get the lettuce, carrots and whatever else I can think of planted for a winter garden. As far as the animals, I do not plan to get anymore until spring and when I do it will be nothing like what I had. I am not going to mass market and sell this next year near as much as I have done in the past, maybe a few dozen at best mainly for personal use.
I am also happy to say the bathhouse and washing machine are up and running again and are being used. Even though it was only a short time, I have forgotten how nice a 100% free hot shower felt until this last weekend.

Here's what's different this time around. I have now learned not to stress out over it all. If it can't get done it won't and if it's not getting done in a timely manner then that's okay. BTD, I was wound as tight as fishing line around a tree branch. Now ATD, I can now control my worries to what matters and I learned how to have fun again, everything is good. I have lost over 30 pounds, my blood pressure is almost back to normal and I feel great.

Homesteading, prepping and surviving is my focus and my way of life, but I have to take care of me so I can enjoy it. The cool thing is, I don't care if that is selfish.

     
 

23 comments:

  1. It's nice to have the larder fully stocked and prepared, but don't totally give up on going out and enjoying the parts of the outside world. Life's short eat desert first.

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    1. True Tombstone, Now that I have seen and played in the other side for a while, it will be hard to give it all up.

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  2. It is best to be prepared but no point in worrying too much about planning as the plan is the first thing that gets changed. So be flexible and happy that you are prepared and can improvise any number of possibilities.
    No point in building a Maginot line type of preparation.

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  3. All comes down to gratitude for the day on hand. Tomorrow will happen when it does, and yesterday is already finished.

    Congrats on the weight loss. Can hear the bounce in your step :) Now, go indulge in a nice hot shower again - yu deserve it!

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  4. This made me smile! Glad that you are doing so well and looking forward to more updates!
    Shar

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  5. Welcome back MDR. Life is short and whatever you think your prepared for wont be what happens. We all just make do and you have enough to make do with and can barter the rest. When my brother died last October I thought "was that it? What was the point"? So enjoy the moment and love the ones closest to you. You wont be back this way again.

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  6. MDR, I happy to hear your not stressing and trying to enjoy yourself. Congrats on the weight loss. Continue your process and live your life to it's fullest :-)

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  7. Balance is without a doubt a tough thing to find. It's tricky. Sounds though your doing good with it :O).

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    1. Thanks Texan, it is tricky for me due to the way I think. But I am trying to get over all that.

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  8. Good for you. You shouldn't care if you are being selfish as long as you are happy.

    I can't wait until we are at the point of getting animals.

    Need to figure out what to do about coyotes now, though. We've seen a couple (dead-on-the-road, fortunately), but heard them in the field out back. Hubby doesn't remember them even being here when he was growing up.

    Have a blessed week!

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    1. Thanks LindaG,
      You will love the animals. The feed bill is what I don't miss.
      I have Coyotes all around me but I have a guard dog and a Llama to keep them away.

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  9. I agree with Texan, balance is a good thing. :). Good job on the weight loss. Im glad to have ya back too.

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  10. Way to go! sounds like you have things going in the right way and proper prospective.

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  11. Well, it's good to see that you are "back"...although in all honesty I don't really know what you "used" to be as I just found your blog. But it does sound like you're on track. You can prep, but you don't have to stress about it. Looking forward to reading your posts (and catching up on your previous ones!).
    Carolyn @ Krazo Acres Farm

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    1. PS - I found you from Kelly's blog, she posted about your t-shirt giveaway. Don't think I'll enter, but it was a good way for me to find ya!

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    2. Welcome Carolyn I am glad you found me. I encourage you to hit the follow button and hang around awhile. I like you blog and did the same.
      If you have any questions please feel free to comment or email me.

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